Category: Company News

Our Winter Collection will arrive in stores on 1 November. It features a thicker Cloud Loaf, a second Hush Blanket in a four pound weight and a limited run of the Eclipse Window Perch in a deep midnight blue.

There is also a new product, the Hibernation Hammock, which hangs from a radiator and holds up to 14 pounds of sleeping weight. It has been tested by Marmaduke Tuft, who declined to leave it.

Preview appointments are available this week. Please come in softly. If you are a little early, please sit down. If you are a little late, please lie down.

You have one hundred nights to decide. If at the end of that time you are not satisfied, simply call a Rest Guide and speak your reason. Speak it slowly. We will not pressure you.

Returned beds are inspected, cleaned and given a new life as a demonstration model. We estimate that 63 percent of returned beds are returned because the cat preferred the box it arrived in. We understand. We have always understood.

For this reason, every Catnap bed ships in a box of exceptional quality. Please keep the box.

Every few months a customer asks for an alarm clock. We understand the impulse. But an alarm clock is a small machine that shouts, and shouting is not what we do.

Instead we offer the Gentle Dawn Programme: a paw tap at 7, a murmur at 7:10 and, at 7:25, the faint sound of a tin being opened in a distant room. In trials, 94 percent of sleepers woke within the hour and none of them were cross about it.

The Programme is staffed by Biscuit, who rises early and does not mind. The remaining 6 percent are still resting and have been left a note.

Our summer rest report is complete. Between June and August, the Catnap flagship recorded 18,400 visitors, 3,100 sales and a total of 9,722 hours of sleep on display models. This is a record, and a quiet one.

Pillow sales rose 22 percent. Heated mat sales were down, as the weather was kind. The Slumber Tunnel was our most requested item for the third year running, a trend our analysts describe as cave related.

We thank you for resting with us. We look forward to a long and drowsy autumn, and to the early dark.

We wish to share, in a low voice, a small matter. A batch of 214 Whisper Quiet pillows, produced in June, was found to contain a squeaker. It was placed there, we believe, by a member of our own production team named Biscuit, who was thinking of someone.

The pillows have been withdrawn. Anyone who purchased one may exchange it for a silent replacement or, if they wish, may keep the original. Several customers have told us they like the squeak.

Biscuit has been spoken to, gently, and has been moved to a role that involves no pillows. He is now our Head of Comfort.